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[meteorman]

✦ Victory Road IC Inbox ✦
If you wanted to contact Dr. Stanford Pines via the PokeGear, here is the place to do it! Voice, video and text are all fine. ✦ Art by love_struck

Comments

1/2

[hellablue]

[Chloe is very good at wheedling and pushing and prodding until she gets what she wants. That’s her entire shtick. Max could reverse time. Chloe just Argues.

But even Chloe has to stop at that last line]

hey so question for you

[hellablue]

are u a fucking furry

[meteorman]

Well centuries of Jewish ancestry written into my genetic code certainly left me predisposed to hair growth.

I don't see how this is related?

[hellablue]

ok first I didn’t
need to know about your hairy ass genes.
second holy shit you give me a headache
third a furry is like
no
nevermind
let’s go back to talking about your crush on queenie

[meteorman]

[Okay you know what she is clearly going to keep going with this until he admits to it. There's no point beating around the romance bush here.]

You could just ask me about her directly if you're that curious. Was it Bert or Mari that told you? If it was Mari, whatever she said about brain surgery was a gross exaggeration. Her having seven eyes was not. Nothing ever happened between us and nothing ever will. There, I'm sure I've answered all the questions you were looking for an excuse to ask.

Now tell me what a furry is.

[hellablue]

[There is. So much to unpack here.

Chloe stares long and hard at the gear, trying to comprehend it before realizing there is no comprehending it.

It's Ford speak.]

does anna know her sister has extra eyes???
is she qualified to do brain surgery
i have so many questions please help?
are u okay

[meteorman]

[Wait.

What?]

I'm not certain. I think we are having two very different conversations. Are you not trying to get details about the space oracle I might have tried to date if I hadn't fallen out of her dimension on accident?

[hellablue]

[You can't DO that to her, goddamn it. You literally can't bring up a space oracle and not expect her to want to chase that line of dialogue. Come on, Price, priorities. Space oracle is in the past.

But she's gonna. Ask about that later.]

no dude i'm trying to figure out if you and elsa are fucking

jesus christ how's that for direct

[meteorman]

what

2/?

[meteorman]

Why would you

3/?

[meteorman]

Where on earth would you get the idea

OKAY

[meteorman]

What???????

magical

[hellablue]

[Did she just

is he broken

did she break him?]

dude.
u can admit it.
it's ok.
i mean shit all u gotta do is spend 5 mins around the two of you to know somethings up.

[meteorman]

But something isn't up. We really are only traveling companions.

[hellablue]

you are super defensive over this

[Wait.

Wait

WAIT

She knows this denial. It all makes sense now.]

do you want to fuck her

[meteorman]

[He is quite literally going to die. This is it. He's not ninety-two but he's going to have a heart attack all the same.]

Telling the truth is not being defensive. You are asking me a question and I am answering you truthfully. Despite the fact that really it's not any of your business in the first place, might I add.

[hellablue]

but do u tho

[meteorman]

[There is a very long pause. This is a pause in which Ford is locating and imbibing some measure of alcohol.]

I can tell you I had never given the idea any thought until you brought it up just now.

[hellablue]

is that because you've run out of viagra or are you honestly just that oblivious to literally everything

[meteorman]

This may be strange for someone young enough to still be swimming in hormones to comprehend, but sex is not constantly at the top of my to-do list.

[hellablue]

okok thats fair. whatever.

[A long pause.

Long enough that makes you think she's dropped it and moved on or gotten distracted. But she's just letting him Think for a minute. Because she isn't sure if she buys this entirely.]

so then do u wanna date her or
i mean listen im not trying to be a shit, for once.
which is a concept everyone is unfamiliar with i know
but it's true.
maybe im helping
i helped u realize she has boobs

[meteorman]

Her breasts really are not the issue here.

[Like... really they're not. Chloe. You're a fellow gay, can you not smell the scent of queer wafting off this man? They're nice but they're way down near the bottom of the list of things he takes into account in a potential partner.

He doesn't volunteer what the issue really is. He doesn't know how to begin to unpack it, and a big part of him doesn't want to. He's already had one harrowing conversation with Chloe. They did it. It's done. They can check it off the list. He doesn't need another.

He does need another sip of this brandy though. Fight him.]

[hellablue]

[Listen. Her gaydar only goes so far and it's usually reserved for cute girls. Which is to say she likes a nice pair of boobs herself. Not that it's the most important part, but. Soft.

Irrelevant though, because she's leaning in closer to the gear to squint at his words. What is the issue here? She wants to unpack this. It's moving day and all these boxes are gonna be empty.]

it's cute that u think i'm going to drop it just like that
sooo. go on.
whats the real issue here??

[meteorman]

[Dislike. Let him hoard. Let him live in this box fort with all the boxes securely taped shut.

He types and deletes an awful lot of sentences. Most of them are in the vein of this being a stupid conversation in the first place, of this not being her business, and while both those things are technically true they still don't feel right to say. The last time he confided in her it helped.

It's ridiculous that some of the best emotional advice he's got in a decades came from a teenager with blue hair but he's learned to stop judging people's worth based on his own assumptions.]

You've seen enough of me by this point to know I'm not the kind of man a young woman like her should be hitching her wagon to.

[That's not really it either, but it's the easier path to take and it's not wrong. There are so many good reasons that that would be a bad idea and all of them boil down to 'I'm Stanford Pines' in the end.]

How she hasn't realized that already I don't know, but our friendship isn't one I'm interested in jeopardizing.

[There it is. I mean, it's in Ford-ese, but it's there. I'm scared to lose her entirely.]

[hellablue]

[It takes Chloe a moment to really comprehend what he's saying. Mostly she wants to make fun of him for the wagon comment, but by the time she really Gets what he's saying, she doesn't have it in her.

Because you know what? That's stupid.

There are so many layers of stupid in that Shrek is sensing a disturbance in the force across the universe.]

so like
what kind of man are you doc?
do u really think your tragic backstory is supposed to make u unlovable??
that because u made mistakes and shit u just
dont deserve that happiness?
because that's fucking bullshit i'm gonna tell you that right now.

[Listen she. Takes this kind of shit seriously. As someone who's fallen in love multiple times and gone through some Really Difficult times with them, she thinks it's honestly stupid to just. Shut yourself off because of that.]

because if that's the case then well shit
lemme go break up with anna right now i guess.
because i'm fucked up too.
that's stupid.
you're being stupid.
we've all got issues.
that doesn't mean people can't love us.
or that we're not. idk. worthy of it.