meteorman | (no subject)

(no subject)

✦ Victory Road IC Inbox ✦
If you wanted to contact Dr. Stanford Pines via the PokeGear, here is the place to do it! Voice, video and text are all fine. ✦ Art by

love_struck

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[Uh. Well okay, this sure is a thing that's happening now. Ford adjusts his glasses, taking in the picture he's being presented with a critical scientist's eye. After very close examination, he can pretty safely say:]

A Grubbin, I believe. Unless you mean the chips, in which case I'm unfamiliar with the brand.

_{[The Grubbin investigates the spilled chips and daintily starts to nibble on them with its adorable little mouthy bits. Meanwhile, the camera whirls around as Maurice brings the Poke'Gear to his very very startled face.]}

That's a bigass BUG!

[Aw, lookit it, doin' a nibble. Fucking precious. Maurice's face is far less precious, mainly because of the clear distress he's in. Ford is bad at people, usually, but he can read emotions broadcast this clearly.

That doesn't mean he understands them, totally. Yes, it's a large bug. Some bugs are big? It takes another couple of seconds before the proper response thunks into place in his brain. Oh, right. Some people don't like creepy-crawlies.]

... Are you entomophobic.

What? No!

_{[He screws his face up. What a random question.]}

I'm af--I don't like bugs! I-I mean! This is! Really really thoughtful of you! And I don't mean t'be ungrateful but bugs and me we don't just get along suuuuuuper good?

That is precisely what entomophobia is. A fear of -- or strong aversion to -- bugs.

[He could have just not said anything but he's Ford Pines and he's incapable. In his defense he doesn't really realize that's kind of a dick thing to do.]

Consider, though: this bug is far smarter than any bug you've likely encountered up to now. Your chances of finding common ground with it are far higher.

[This follows logically. Absolutely airtight.]

I DON'T--

_{[He tries not to raise his voice in anger.]}

If it's smart enough for that that means it's smart enough for premeditated murder!

_{[Poor Ford is then treated to another loud holler as the Grubbin makes her way away from the chips and starts coming toward Maurice's hiding place.]}

If you know so much about giant killer bugs how do I make it go to the other side of the room!

It is very unlikely to try and murder you. That would cut off its supply of chips.

[Duh.]

But you could try blowing on it, or using a fan. Many insects dislike direct airflow.

Blow on it. Okay. Okay I think I can do that.

_{[There is a creaking and it becomes evident that Maurice is actually perched on a dresser--and quite skillfully too. Gingerly one toe touches the hotel carpet. The Grubbin turns and blinks at him. Momma?]}

EeeueueuAUUGHH ITS PULSATING! Mr. Pines! Where did you find this thing?

I didn't find it, I bred it.

[A dresser? Really? That's some pretty strong bug fear you got goin' on there, buddy.]

Thank goodness I didn't decide to get you a Pinsir.

_{[Ford, if Maurice were still a vampire he would be hiding on the ceiling.]}

Wh-oh. I'm--I don't know what a Pinser is and I don't wanna know. Still I--really really really appreciate you thinking of me! Please don't take this the wrong way!

_{[He inches toward the Grubbin and grabs up a Rhyhorn Racer magainze, rolling it carefully in one hand and reaching out to gently poke the Pokemon in hopes of making it move away. Instead, the baby bug takes the end of it in its pincers and gives it a playful tug, ripping a few of the pages.]}

This bug is strong enough to rip my arm off how do you have more fingers than me and raise these things? Have you ever seen a man die, Mr. Pines? Cause I think you're about to!

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